Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This house was built for laser tag.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
