I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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