How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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