sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize