Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize