he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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