i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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