Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
