some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
