I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
