He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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