I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
