hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
