Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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