this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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