I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
