i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
