I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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