he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
