Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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