The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize