the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
