Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize