I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
