dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
