Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
