i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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