is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
