I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize