i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
