so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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