I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
