Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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