you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
