Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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