What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
