You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This is my gift to your gina
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
