It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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