Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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