my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We left the knife in your bed.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
