Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
