Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
In America we eat man semen.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
