I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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