I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
