It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
