I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
