in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
