I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
