I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
