I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
