Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
