he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
