youre lurking in front of me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Found your dick twin last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
