How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
