I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
