Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
