I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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