girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
