I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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