When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
