I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
