did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
