No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
