her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
