were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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