I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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