Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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