then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
