someone threw a dead crab at me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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