I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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